Review - Dragon's Lair

In writing circles, the word ‘classic’ often gets banded around a bit too much for its own good – however, to refer to Don Bluth's Dragon’s Lair by any other words would itself be a grave disservice. After all, you don't become one of only three games placed on permanent display (alongside Pac Man and Pong) in the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC for simply being average. That said though, no matter how ‘classic’ Dragon’s Lair may be, there’s no shying away from the fact that this particular incarnation – the 67th port of its kind, but hey who's counting? - is an absolute shambles.

The popular title, which was originally released on laserdisc in 1983, focuses chiefly on the exploits of one clumsy but lovable knight, Dirk The Daring. With zero backstory provided, you're instead thrown straight in as Dirk sets out to overcome a whole series of death defying obstacles and creatures, all in the name of saving the porn-tastic Princess Daphne from the clutches of the evil dragon Singe. But while the story may be noticeably lacking, it's worth pointing out that the game still looks amazing even by modern day standards. The colours are vibrant, the characters still impressively entertaining and most importantly, the animated scenes as slick as ever.



Unfortunately, this is where the praise for Dragon's Lair abruptly ends. Had it remained an animation, something to sit back and enjoy like my cherished copy of Flight Of The Dragons on VHS, then great. But the problem is, Dragon's Lair is a game and it’s one that's been very poorly implemented in this particular instance.

For anyone unfamiliar with the gameplay, it's essentially an interactive movie (something that was remarkably popular and widely attempted back in the day). If you’re having trouble visualising how exactly this works in practice, try to picture an entire Disney film, but cut up into several dynamic cut scenes; when the command pops up on screen, you follow it in quick fashion or you die a gruesome death. It was basically the birthplace of today's quicktime events, albeit a lot more repetitive and ten times more frustrating.



While this is the same game that appeared back in 1983 then, there's now the added 'bonus' of Kinect functionality thrown in for gimmick value. In theory, such gameplay should provide the perfect platform for the Kinect to flourish and the opening exchange with the pre-game demo certainly paints a positive picture. You move left and Dirk leaps to safety onto a nearby ledge; you run on the spot and Dirk sprints from the onrushing boulder; you make a downward slashing motion and Dirk swings his broadsword like the brave knight he apparently is. It all sounds great but, as it turns out, it’s utterly terrible.

No sooner after the game gets underway do the problems begin to mount up. For starters, the on-screen prompts come way too thick and fast for full-body physical reaction, often leaving little time for you to set yourself before the next command begs your attention. Worse still, nothing actually works as it’s meant to; at one stage I messed up and jumped left when requested to slash a giant snake, only to somehow make it through to the next scene anyway. This wasn’t even a one off either – it occurred over and over again throughout the 30-minute journey. Hell, I even sat down on the couch at one point just to take a breather and the game still continued as if nothing had happened.



There is, of course, the option to use the Xbox controller instead, which makes things slightly more playable. But while that means you're instead tapping left, right or X whenever the command pops up onscreen, it’s still hardly what you’d call fun… unless that is you enjoy haphazardly memorising button sequences and having your arse handed to you over and over again.

There's even the option to turn off the hints (effectively playing the game blind), which could provide a tiny bit more longevity in this otherwise miniscule adventure. However, given how insanely arduous it is to play when these indicators are turned on, you can only assume that the kind of people willing to sample this extra level of difficulty are either masochists or those who've grown tired of watching paint dry.



Okay, so there’s no denying that Dragons Lair will always remain a classic in every sense of the word, but this buggy and poorly implemented version of the game certainly isn’t worth your attention or hard earned Microsoft Points. Hell, even serious fans of the original should avoid at all costs…